I recently read a novel about a family, and one member of the family joins a group of people who call themselves "a tribe". Basically, they have 20 to 25 people in the group, and everyone in the group commits to meeting every Sunday for dinner (they rotate who hosts ), and they also provide support for each other, similar to the support provided by a family. The idea is that everyone in the group can lean on each other for support and share and trade amongst each other without feeling they are burdening one another. They also meet to help each other with things, like to help someone paint their house or help someone move. In the book, the character ends up joining this "tribe", and it's going really well , but then he falls in love with a married woman in The Tribe. So due to his obviously socially unacceptable affair, he has to leave The Tribe. It was kind of sad because The Tribe seemed to provide more emotional support to him than his family ever did. But this did get me thinking about the concept of a "Tribe" in general, and how it could really be beneficial to a lot of people.
Sure, a lot of people rely on their parents or other family members for support, and other people rely on close friends for support. However, a lot of people move away from their family for one reason or another, or drift apart from their friends because being busy with work and raising children. It seems like it's more common for people to have a close group of friends before they start having children. You all have plenty of free time on your hands and can make plans with each other at the last minute, without worrying about nap times or babysitters. Then, one could in the group has a kid, and soon all the females in the group start drinking the pregnancy water, and every is popping out babies. Now everyone had kids, and no one hangs out. Some people are lucky to have their family close by, and those who are even luckier, have family members who are eager to watch your children with or no implied guilt attached. However, there are less lucky people who have no immediate family nearby, and all of their friends already have kids, so there isn't anyone they feel comfortable leaving their infant child with for a few hours. Then there's the even less lucky people: single parents with no close family support. I don't envy you, but I admire and respect all of you more than you know. Raising children is difficult enough, but doing it without support just seems like it would feel so alone, exhausting and daunting. But as a parent, I know I could adapt and do what was necessary if needed. I'm just glad I don't have to. But that being said, I love the idea of this community mentality. I would hope that if I was a single parent, I would be brave and adventurous enough to seek out a support group of people, and lucky enough to find one like the one described in the book I read. I have also heard of a local "tribe" of people in my community who have basically adopted each other as family, and they have regular gatherings, and they provide family-type support to each other in general (i.e.- helping fix someone's car, baby-sitting someone's child, watering the plants when you are on vacation, etc.). Sure, you can always rely on neighbors or members of your church to provide this kind of support, but it seems like those groups of people are less connected to each other, or more selective, or motivated by different agendas. The community that I am talking about is specifically organized as a support group, and they operate like a family for each other. The expectation is that you support each other- whereas, in a church for example, some people just want to sit in the back pue and get their weekly one hour of personal connection with God, but they don't really want to socialize. The community that I am referencing is not religiously-based: it's more like a family know how in your early twenties you have a group of close friends can you spend all your time in the weekends with them but then in your thirties people start having kids no one is available anymore people's family moves away maybe our parents health is starting to fail and they can't help anymore at cetera. Makes sense that at a certain point people start to drift and the people that were once our tribe feel like they are now their own separate isolated tribe. I want a heart tribe! It sounded so hippie, and it is pretty hippie, actually. But what is so wrong with being a hippie anyway? I mean, they always seemed like such a happy Carefree people, right?
Friday, September 21, 2018
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
The luxury of completion
I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. I have always known this about myself but haven’t really given it much thought. I mean, I finish all of the important things, right? I graduated school (three times), I complete all my assessments and notes at work on-time, I follow through with planning a party if I commit to it, I eventually finish laundry, and so on. But I am noticing lately that even though I eventually finish things, I often stop what I’m doing in the middle of a task to either take on a new task or address someone else’s need. For example, if I am right in the middle of an typing an assessment at work or even in the middle of meeting with a client in my office, but my phone rings and it’s the receptionist wanting to talk to me, I almost always answer the phone and talk to her. This seems to happen at home, too. Every time I am in the middle of a task at home, someone interrupts me without fail. And, I almost always stop what I’m doing and address their needs. For example, it seems like every time I am washing dishes or every time I have just sat down at the table to eat, one of the girls realizes that they are desperately Thursday and I need a drink immediately. Are used to give in and get a drink right away, but now I fear I have gone too far the other direction. Now, I get irritated and say things like “how many things can I do at one time?” (This is a phrase I use often, apparently, because they always answer the question in unison with a resounding- ONE!!!). Maybe it is the combination of the stress at work and the stress of home that is making the situation get to me. So today, I reacted differently at work. I literally put a sign on the outside of my door that says “please do not disturb” - I use the sign in counseling sessions to notify coworkers that I am in the middle of a counseling session, but otherwise, I try to take it off my door and put it inside. But today, I didn’t do that. I’m so behind on notes and phone calls that I just wanted some time to get caught up on everything, without taking on any new tasks. So I have recognized this is my pattern. Even though I eventually finish tasks, I take on new tasks before I have started the first task, so my tasks tend to pile up and then I feel overwhelmed. I begin to think of completion as a luxury. And I begin to convince myself that I don’t have the luxury of completion. I don’t have time to complete things all the way through. That’s for people who aren’t busy enough or important enough. People who are busy and important have to put things off to take on other things, because there’s always someone or something that needs their attention more. This is how I have felt anyway. But today, when I didn’t answer my phone and I watched it go to voicemail, I felt so empowered, yet slightly naughty at the same time.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Production versus Consumption
I've been thinking about this topic a lot for the past few months, and it continues to perplex and fascinate me. I started thinking about how much I am (and we are as a society) constantly in a mode of consuming. The large majority of the population, it seems, is consuming information, food, products, services, and food while a smaller portion of the population is busy actually creating those things that are being consumed. American people watch a ton of TV and movies, listen to radio and music, read information on the internet and in E books(and sometimes in actual physical books) , play online games or video games, consume processed or packaged foods or fast foods, etc. We drive cars that other people made for us, we wear clothes that someone in another country created, we live and work in buildings made by other people- all so we can sit in a building for 40 hours a week at a computer and answer phone calls and type emails and talk to people about stuff that has really nothing to do with our personal life values and who we are at our core being. Then we leave this building, get in our mechanical vehicle, drive to another building, and spend the next three or four hours to basically refuel and get ready to do the whole process again the next day. In our free time, we don't create, we consume. We tell ourselves we worked so hard all day at our useless day job and then worked so hard to interact with our own offspring, that in our downtown, we deserve to zone out on Facebook or Pinterest, or the latest internet game, or binge-watch the top trending show on Hulu. Are there people who regularly use this down time to genuinely produce something? Maybe, but I don't personally know any of them. I'm sure there are some who work 40 hours, tend to their family, and then spend the evening writing music, making food from scratch, rebuilding a car in their garage, or painting a master piece. But in my experience, people engage in those types of projects maybe once a month, or for several days in a row, but then not again for another several months. I'm talking about how our typical, daily activities seem to be more centered on consumption rather than production.
It makes sense, though. With all of the advancements in modern technology and how easy it is to meet our basic daily needs, we just don't have to spend as much time on these things anymore. Hundreds of years ago, people would spend all day, every day, just making sure they had food and water and shelter and safety. For most of us, these are now just a given. So we have to spend our time doing something, why not spend it consuming all of these awesome things that society has handed to us on a silver platter. I mean, Netflix streaming is only like $8 a month! What a deal! Even if you can't afford cable, you can most surely afford Netflix. The cost of creating, though, doesn't really seem to have changed much over time. So why are people not creating more? Maybe because it's just easier to consume. Especially after working all day, and running kids to and from soccer practice, or taking your elderly parent to their chemotherapy or physical therapy appointments, or going to the mechanic, or the dentist, or shoveling snow or mowing the lawn, or repairing a leak in the pipes, etc. Maybe it's not the 40-hour-a-week job alone, but all of these other daily life things on top of it, that we just feel constantly obligated to do things because of the value we place on the outcome of task, not because we actually enjoy the process of completing the task. So, to reward ourselves for all the annoying things we have to do, we veg-out. '
There's another type of production that I left out- it's producing human relationships and volunteering out time and service to others. This would be things like calling our sick grandma, going to help someone move, volunteering at the animal shelter, being a mentor with Big Brothers, Big Sisters, etc. I think we might do these things more often then actually producing artwork or tangible goods, but it may not feel like it because we don't have anything tangible to show after the fact. But these types of production are very important, and can make us feel like we've really contributed and done something really important.
I find with consumption, that I almost never find myself thinking "Wow, I'm so glad I watched 4 Episodes of that TV show. I feel so much better!" It's more like, "That was fun, now what?" But, after I write in my journal or after I call a friend or make a delicious dinner, I'm almost always glad that I did and I almost always feel genuinely accomplished. Consumption, although fun, often leaves me longing for me, but it's like a deep, endless longing, and the more I consume, the more I want to consume, and therefore, the less desire I have to produce anything.
So why does it matter if we spend our time consuming or producing? Who cares if you watch a bunch of TV shows every week or if you spend hours on internet gaming sites? Like everything else, it's different for everyone. If your are a consumer, and your life feels full and content and very meaningful, then consuming isn't a problem for your. But if you at a consumer, and your life feels like it's missing something or maybe you are craving a greater sense of meaning and purpose, then you might try consuming less and producing more. Not only does it give us a sense of accomplishment to produce, but it can lead to us feeling more connected to other people and to society as a whole. Yes, it takes more work and effort to produce, but isn't that what life is supposed to be about? As with everything, I think a balance of production and consumption is very important, and that balance will be different for everyone. But for me, when I am craving escaping on a daily basis, I know that it's time for me to change gears and dig in deeper and produce something. Because when this life is over, I want to have more to show for myself than a bunch of checkmarks next to all of the TV series that I have completed, or a more than truck loads of empty containers of packaged foods that I've consumed. I want leave something more than candy wrappers, clothes, and debt. I want to leave a mark and make a difference, and I don't think I can do this by consuming TV all day.
It makes sense, though. With all of the advancements in modern technology and how easy it is to meet our basic daily needs, we just don't have to spend as much time on these things anymore. Hundreds of years ago, people would spend all day, every day, just making sure they had food and water and shelter and safety. For most of us, these are now just a given. So we have to spend our time doing something, why not spend it consuming all of these awesome things that society has handed to us on a silver platter. I mean, Netflix streaming is only like $8 a month! What a deal! Even if you can't afford cable, you can most surely afford Netflix. The cost of creating, though, doesn't really seem to have changed much over time. So why are people not creating more? Maybe because it's just easier to consume. Especially after working all day, and running kids to and from soccer practice, or taking your elderly parent to their chemotherapy or physical therapy appointments, or going to the mechanic, or the dentist, or shoveling snow or mowing the lawn, or repairing a leak in the pipes, etc. Maybe it's not the 40-hour-a-week job alone, but all of these other daily life things on top of it, that we just feel constantly obligated to do things because of the value we place on the outcome of task, not because we actually enjoy the process of completing the task. So, to reward ourselves for all the annoying things we have to do, we veg-out. '
There's another type of production that I left out- it's producing human relationships and volunteering out time and service to others. This would be things like calling our sick grandma, going to help someone move, volunteering at the animal shelter, being a mentor with Big Brothers, Big Sisters, etc. I think we might do these things more often then actually producing artwork or tangible goods, but it may not feel like it because we don't have anything tangible to show after the fact. But these types of production are very important, and can make us feel like we've really contributed and done something really important.
I find with consumption, that I almost never find myself thinking "Wow, I'm so glad I watched 4 Episodes of that TV show. I feel so much better!" It's more like, "That was fun, now what?" But, after I write in my journal or after I call a friend or make a delicious dinner, I'm almost always glad that I did and I almost always feel genuinely accomplished. Consumption, although fun, often leaves me longing for me, but it's like a deep, endless longing, and the more I consume, the more I want to consume, and therefore, the less desire I have to produce anything.
So why does it matter if we spend our time consuming or producing? Who cares if you watch a bunch of TV shows every week or if you spend hours on internet gaming sites? Like everything else, it's different for everyone. If your are a consumer, and your life feels full and content and very meaningful, then consuming isn't a problem for your. But if you at a consumer, and your life feels like it's missing something or maybe you are craving a greater sense of meaning and purpose, then you might try consuming less and producing more. Not only does it give us a sense of accomplishment to produce, but it can lead to us feeling more connected to other people and to society as a whole. Yes, it takes more work and effort to produce, but isn't that what life is supposed to be about? As with everything, I think a balance of production and consumption is very important, and that balance will be different for everyone. But for me, when I am craving escaping on a daily basis, I know that it's time for me to change gears and dig in deeper and produce something. Because when this life is over, I want to have more to show for myself than a bunch of checkmarks next to all of the TV series that I have completed, or a more than truck loads of empty containers of packaged foods that I've consumed. I want leave something more than candy wrappers, clothes, and debt. I want to leave a mark and make a difference, and I don't think I can do this by consuming TV all day.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
Giving up Sugar- The first 14 days
(I wrote this back in January and saved it as a draft but never published it. Now that I've decided to give up sugar again, I thought it would help me to finish this post and remind myself of my past willpower and awesomeness). :)
So 8 days ago, I made the "lightningbolt" decision to be free from sweets. So here are some of my musings describing my sugar free journey thus far.
Day 1: Sunday, December 27th
I decided to start the day after Christmas to make a clean start after the sugary holiday season. My first step was to ask my husband to throw away a plate of sugar cookies on the counter. Usually, I would have taken the cookies to work for my coworkers to ravage within a few mere hours. But after reading Gretchen Rubin's book about habits and learning about the concept of "loopholes", I realize that when I take cookies to work, I usually eat at least one myself, which completely defeats the purpose (which is, of course, to get rid of them!). I did take two other sweet snacks to work but I knew the cookies had to go so I started this on a Saturday, and then I went back to work on a Monday. I was worried there be a lot of sweets at work that first Monday after Christmas, but it was actually okay. Maybe it was easier to resist the sweets because I've developed a new statement that I say in my head to help me. I just say "Hi my name is such and such, & I don't eat sweets".
In her book, Gretchen Rubin explains that a habit is a decision that you already made without making it. For example, I know I'm going to put my seatbelt on when I get in the car: I don't think about it, I just do it. I've decided this is how has to be with me and sweets. And in the past, I spent a lot of time thinking about my consumption of sugar and trying to decide when to eat it and what quantity was acceptable for me to eat. But then I decided, if I just adopt a hard rule that I don't eat sweets, then I don't have to think about it every time I am faced with an opportunity to eat sugar, because I've already made my decision. Of course, I already have and will continue to face challenges along the way. For example, I went to breakfast with my family a few days ago, and everyone else ordered the delicious pumpkin pancakes- YUM! Normally, I would be the first person to get the pumpkin pancakes and cover them in syrup and devour them. Today, I went with the biscuits and gravy instead.
Another thing I've done, which was different from what I did the last time I gave up sugar for a month, is that I'm not advertising to everyone that I'm giving up sugar. It seems to help a lot because when I did tell everyone what I was doing, they would question me about it and almost try to talk me into eating sugar. I remember my father-in-law waved a delicious-looking piece of cake in my face and smiled and laughed while he ate it all in front of me. So cruel! So, this time I just kept it on the down low and it's working much better. My husband knows, which is imperative because he's my champion on my quest to give up sugar. If I need him to throw something away or encourage me to not eat something, he will. But, I haven't told my family or anyone at work or any of my friends except for the few that have also read Rubin's book, Better Than Before.
So, the day after the breakfast incident, I faced another huge temptation at a party. There was a huge plate of a delicious-looking cookies on a table, paired next to a plate of of apples, fondue sticks, and a little dipping bowl full of caramel sauce. Surprisingly, it was easy for me to avoid this obvious temptation. The more difficult temptation was a bowl of chocolate-covered popcorn. I realized the difficulty in avoiding the popcorn was not that it was chocolate or that looks delicious, it was the location of the popcorn itself. The cookies and the apples and caramel sauce were against the wall by themselves in a different room from where I ended up sitting. The chocolate-covered popcorn however, was on a table at the living room, directly in front of the couch that I chose to sit on for about an hour. Also, my daughter was literally eating from this bowl of popcorn and putting her adorable, but most likely dirty, little hands all over in the bowl. I told myself I should take that little pile of popcorn from her and eat it to get it away from her. If you've read Rubin's book you know this is a loophole or an excuse that we used to give in. Truthfully, I did eat one piece of chocolate covered popcorn. But when I did, I didn't feel proud of it or happy about it. And to my relief, it did not make me want to dive head first into that bowl and devour every last scrumptious morsel of chocolate from the popcorn.
Monday, May 30, 2016
O- Organizing
Dreams of being a minimalist
When I was a child, I don't remember thinking that I owned too many things. I don't remember ever questioning why we would need to keep something or what it's particular purpose was or what value it possessed. In fact, I remember thinking the opposite, such as "why would I get rid of that?", or "what reason would I possibly have for wanting to part with that valuable item?" We were not hoarders, by any means. Our house was neat and tidy, and most of our belongings were either displayed neatly on shelves or mantles or appropriately stowed away in cupboards, closets, pantries, bins, on shelves, and so forth. We lived in an average-sized home with a garage, and we filled this home, not too full, but full enough, with our belongings. This was normal, this was what everyone did, and still does, I told myself.
Then, about two years ago, my husband, my young child and I moved into a larger home. At first, we felt like our house had so much space that we would never be able to fill it. Now, two years later and one additional child, not only have we been able to fill up all of the rooms in the house, but some of the rooms are overflowing, and the 3-car garage seems barely able to hold our three cars in addition to all of the bikes, strollers, boxes, lawn care equipment, tools, etc. Most weekdays, I would guess we spend about two hours out of our short five waking hours at home (partially or fully) consumed by physically maintaining order of all of our "stuff" (putting shoes in the closet, hanging up coats, putting toys in toy bins, folding laundry, putting away dishes, putting away food after dinner, opening the mail, putting away food, putting things back where they belong, etc.) Even with this daily maintenance of our belongings, we still find that we have to put aside extra time on the weekends to do a more thorough organization of areas that have been neglected with piled up clutter. For example, over the last several months, the office has become the dumping ground for everything without an established home- like new toys for our child's birthday, mail that hasn't been filed, pictures that haven't been hung,loose photographs, stickers, art supplies, birthday cards, etc. We spent about an hour just going through this "stuff" and throwing things away and organizing the rest.
So when does it become too much? How does each person decide what is the appropriate amount of belongings that they should own? Is there an actual number that people decide on, or do we just visually judge based on if our drawers and closets are bulging at the seams? Or if we can never find anything we are looking for because we have to wade through 300 things that we are not looking for first? I suppose this is different for every person, and I also venture to guess that this "amount of appropriate stuff" changes for each person through different stages of their life. I know it has for me. When I was younger, I almost feel like I measured my happiness and value (on a very small scale) based on how much I had. If I got more presents, I felt more loved. If I had more clothes, I felt more stylish and cool. If I had more books and school supplies, I felt smarter and more prepared. I don't remember it reaching a point where it was too much until after I was married. In our case, we both lived separately before marriage, so in essence, we combined two households, plus we acquired probably 100 new belongings as a result of our wedding gifts. Then, when we had children, we acquired hundreds more belongings before our first child was even born. Now with two children, I can't even guess how many belongings we have acquired that are directly related to our children (individual pieces of clothing, toys, crib, swing, towels, wash clothes, bottles, baby spoons, books, pacifiers, diapers, diaper wipes, diaper bags, car seats, strollers, baby carries, high chair, booster chair, pack-and-play, books, stuffed animals, bath toys, etc.) If I did have to guess how many individual items we own that are related to our children (not including diapers and wipes, but including pairs of shoes pairs of socks and individual pieces of clothing), I would guess 1,500, but I could be way off. If you include every individual toy (like individual big-block-lego and individual pieces of plastic food for our pretend kitchen), we could have 1,500 pieces of toys alone.
Let me be clear, I am very lucky and blessed to be able to provide such things for my family. I am very grateful for all of the things that other people have given to me and my children as gifts, as many of these things have become cherished belongings and will always have great memories attached to them. Also, it would be very expensive to have to purchase all of the clothes for my growing children myself, and I would say at least 75% of all of our children's clothes came to us as new or slightly-used gifts. So thank you everyone for your generosity. Now, that being said, it is my responsibility to manage my belongings and make sure that they do not overtake my life. It is my job as a parent to teach my children that "more" doesn't necessarily mean "better" and that having belongings does not make you happy (especially if you spend more time cleaning and organizing them than you do actually enjoying them). It is my hope to teach my children that belongings should, in the words of Marie Kondo, "bring us joy". They should serve a direct purpose, or be tied to a specific and clear emotional need, and that if they don't, they should be passed on to another being who can make good use of them.
I know that I need to take action soon to begin my journey toward minimalism. I don't know that I'll ever be a true minimalist (like someone who could live in one of those trendy "tiny houses" that you see on HGTV that is about 150 square feet and has a bath-tub that triples as a bed and washing machine). However, I do think I want to be someone who doesn't need to own 38 sized-2 summer bottoms (shorts and skirts). Yes, my daughter has at least 38 shorts/skirts available for her to wear this summer. So, if summer is only 87 days, she would be able to wear each item 2.28 times. That's ridiculous! And again, this is my fault for allowing myself to accumulate that many items. It is my full intent to downsize, but where to start? Which skirts and shorts to donate and which to keep? How much time do I spend downsizing, versus just keeping what I have (since it's already all put away neatly, folded "Marie Kondo Style") in my child's closet? What toys do I keep and which to discard? How many dish towels, plates and spatula's does the underachieving, rarely-hosts-a-dinner, mother of two really need? This will have to be the topic of my next Blog- stay tuned!
~KLW :-)
Dreams of being a minimalist
When I was a child, I don't remember thinking that I owned too many things. I don't remember ever questioning why we would need to keep something or what it's particular purpose was or what value it possessed. In fact, I remember thinking the opposite, such as "why would I get rid of that?", or "what reason would I possibly have for wanting to part with that valuable item?" We were not hoarders, by any means. Our house was neat and tidy, and most of our belongings were either displayed neatly on shelves or mantles or appropriately stowed away in cupboards, closets, pantries, bins, on shelves, and so forth. We lived in an average-sized home with a garage, and we filled this home, not too full, but full enough, with our belongings. This was normal, this was what everyone did, and still does, I told myself.
Then, about two years ago, my husband, my young child and I moved into a larger home. At first, we felt like our house had so much space that we would never be able to fill it. Now, two years later and one additional child, not only have we been able to fill up all of the rooms in the house, but some of the rooms are overflowing, and the 3-car garage seems barely able to hold our three cars in addition to all of the bikes, strollers, boxes, lawn care equipment, tools, etc. Most weekdays, I would guess we spend about two hours out of our short five waking hours at home (partially or fully) consumed by physically maintaining order of all of our "stuff" (putting shoes in the closet, hanging up coats, putting toys in toy bins, folding laundry, putting away dishes, putting away food after dinner, opening the mail, putting away food, putting things back where they belong, etc.) Even with this daily maintenance of our belongings, we still find that we have to put aside extra time on the weekends to do a more thorough organization of areas that have been neglected with piled up clutter. For example, over the last several months, the office has become the dumping ground for everything without an established home- like new toys for our child's birthday, mail that hasn't been filed, pictures that haven't been hung,loose photographs, stickers, art supplies, birthday cards, etc. We spent about an hour just going through this "stuff" and throwing things away and organizing the rest.
So when does it become too much? How does each person decide what is the appropriate amount of belongings that they should own? Is there an actual number that people decide on, or do we just visually judge based on if our drawers and closets are bulging at the seams? Or if we can never find anything we are looking for because we have to wade through 300 things that we are not looking for first? I suppose this is different for every person, and I also venture to guess that this "amount of appropriate stuff" changes for each person through different stages of their life. I know it has for me. When I was younger, I almost feel like I measured my happiness and value (on a very small scale) based on how much I had. If I got more presents, I felt more loved. If I had more clothes, I felt more stylish and cool. If I had more books and school supplies, I felt smarter and more prepared. I don't remember it reaching a point where it was too much until after I was married. In our case, we both lived separately before marriage, so in essence, we combined two households, plus we acquired probably 100 new belongings as a result of our wedding gifts. Then, when we had children, we acquired hundreds more belongings before our first child was even born. Now with two children, I can't even guess how many belongings we have acquired that are directly related to our children (individual pieces of clothing, toys, crib, swing, towels, wash clothes, bottles, baby spoons, books, pacifiers, diapers, diaper wipes, diaper bags, car seats, strollers, baby carries, high chair, booster chair, pack-and-play, books, stuffed animals, bath toys, etc.) If I did have to guess how many individual items we own that are related to our children (not including diapers and wipes, but including pairs of shoes pairs of socks and individual pieces of clothing), I would guess 1,500, but I could be way off. If you include every individual toy (like individual big-block-lego and individual pieces of plastic food for our pretend kitchen), we could have 1,500 pieces of toys alone.
Let me be clear, I am very lucky and blessed to be able to provide such things for my family. I am very grateful for all of the things that other people have given to me and my children as gifts, as many of these things have become cherished belongings and will always have great memories attached to them. Also, it would be very expensive to have to purchase all of the clothes for my growing children myself, and I would say at least 75% of all of our children's clothes came to us as new or slightly-used gifts. So thank you everyone for your generosity. Now, that being said, it is my responsibility to manage my belongings and make sure that they do not overtake my life. It is my job as a parent to teach my children that "more" doesn't necessarily mean "better" and that having belongings does not make you happy (especially if you spend more time cleaning and organizing them than you do actually enjoying them). It is my hope to teach my children that belongings should, in the words of Marie Kondo, "bring us joy". They should serve a direct purpose, or be tied to a specific and clear emotional need, and that if they don't, they should be passed on to another being who can make good use of them.
I know that I need to take action soon to begin my journey toward minimalism. I don't know that I'll ever be a true minimalist (like someone who could live in one of those trendy "tiny houses" that you see on HGTV that is about 150 square feet and has a bath-tub that triples as a bed and washing machine). However, I do think I want to be someone who doesn't need to own 38 sized-2 summer bottoms (shorts and skirts). Yes, my daughter has at least 38 shorts/skirts available for her to wear this summer. So, if summer is only 87 days, she would be able to wear each item 2.28 times. That's ridiculous! And again, this is my fault for allowing myself to accumulate that many items. It is my full intent to downsize, but where to start? Which skirts and shorts to donate and which to keep? How much time do I spend downsizing, versus just keeping what I have (since it's already all put away neatly, folded "Marie Kondo Style") in my child's closet? What toys do I keep and which to discard? How many dish towels, plates and spatula's does the underachieving, rarely-hosts-a-dinner, mother of two really need? This will have to be the topic of my next Blog- stay tuned!
~KLW :-)
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Better than Before- giving up sugar!!
January, 2016
I recently read the book, Better Than Before, by Gretchen Rubin. It's a very thought provoking book about how to change and improve our daily life habits. I didn't start reading the book with the intention of changing any specific habits, but now I'm motivated and inspired to change all sorts of things (or at least two or three). :) Rubin writes a lot about food and how she changed her eating habits by giving up sugar. I thought a lot about this when I was reading the book. Sure, I eat a lot of sugar, I thought, but who doesn't, right? It's available in excess in my workplace, in the store, at social and family gatherings, at home, etc. Sugar is everywhere in our society, right? But the more I read and the more I pondered, I realized that eating sugar, for me, is something that I do mindlessly, thoughtlessly, and for the wrong reasons. At work, I eat donuts "because I have to get a maple bar before someone else takes it", or I eat candy because "I need something to swish around in my mouth while I type reports". Rarely do to turn to sweets because I'm actually hungry for food. I'm craving an emotion or the feeling of satisfaction that I get from sugar. I have minimized my addiction to sugar for a long time, but after reading this book I realized that I have lost control over my consumption of sugar, and am now a full-blown "sugar-holic".
So, I decided to give it a try and actually give up sugar...........permanently. This sounds crazy!! How can I give up sugar for life? ME!? The girl who always offers to take home leftover birthday cake from the party? The girl who eats most of her child's Halloween candy before she gets a chance? The girl who can polish off a whole plate of brownies? Yes. Me!! I'm still working out the kinks, but it's been 12 days now and I can say I'm getting more resolute in my decision as the days go on (for the most part).
Now, I'm not a stickler for strict rules, I'm more of a "shades of gray" girl than a "black and white" gal. So when I say I'm giving up sugar, I am referring to foods that are specifically categorized as "sweets" (see Step Number 4 for details).
This is going to be a tough journey, but I've decided that it's very important to me, my health, and for my own feelings of control and accomplishment. I've taken some tips from Grethen Rubin to help my outline some steps for achieving my goal. I'll also be blogging about my weekly experience with this journey, so be on the lookout for other posts. :-)
Step Number 1: Clear It All Out!
It's not exactly as simple as "out of sight, out of mind", because I still think about sweets even when they're not around. But, if I had to guess, I would say at least 50% of my consumption of sweets is due to convenience and availability- meaning if the homemade brownies wouldn't have been sitting in front of the coffee pot at work, I wouldn't have left work and gone to the store just to get brownies. So, if I'm going to avoid eating sugar, I have to get out! Out of my pantry, my desk, my purse, my nightstand drawers (what, you don't have Starbursts in your nightstand?), my car, and pretty much everywhere within my reach. I accumulated a lot of sweets over the holidays, so I took most of that to work. But some of the miscellaneous items, like stale Halloween candy, random suckers, honey roasted pecans, caramel popcorn- just went in the trash. At one point, I had my husband throw away a whole plate of homemade frosted sugar cookies while I turned my head, covered my eyes and squealed, "Quick! Do it before I change my mind!"
Step Number 2: Don't Let It Back In!
People know I love sweets, so they frequently offer them to me at parties, or bake treats especially for me, or buy sweets for me as gifts. Of course, I reinforce their behaviors by graciously accepting their sugary gifts as well as eagerly volunteering to take any unwanted sweets off their hands. Since I gave up sweets, I have to make a conscious effort to stop accumulating sweets. Now if people ask me to take cake home with me from a party, I give more of a neutral or non-committal response, like "Oh, uh-huh", and then conveniently forget to take it with me. Also, I know I can't buy it at the store, I can't bake any sweets, and I can't let anybody else bring it in the house either. (This last piece isn't a problem for us, because my kids aren't old enough to shop, and my husband doesn't like sweets. Score!)
Step Number 3: Completely Change My Frame Of Mind.
This step is of the utmost importance for me. I have to make the decision every second of every day, and remind myself of that decision over and over again when I'm faced with temptations. I talk to myself (internally, of course) before going into social settings, and when I'm around sweets in general. I've developed my own little mantra. I say," Hello. My name is ____________, I don't eat sweets". This feels more powerful to me than saying "oh, I'm not allowed to have that right now", or "I can't eat that, I'm dieting". Instead, as Gretchen Rubin taught me, by phrasing it as a choice, I feel powerful: like I am free of my addiction to sugar! In the past, I go in to social settings with an open mind and I never put any limits on my consumption of sweets. Avoiding sugar in the workplace is extremely difficult for me. My office is like the common dumping grounds for everyone's unwanted birthday cakes, Halloween candy, homemade fudge, leftover cookies, fresh store bought donuts, etc. You name it, and it has shown up at my workplace and then been devoured, usually within hours! And I don't work with that many people, either! I once brought in three quarters of a Costco sheet cake from a party, and it was gone before noon. My co-workers and I always get excited about sweets, too, and we tell each other about it, saying "did you see someone brought doughnuts? You better get an apple fritter before they're gone!" So the encouraging culture to eat sweets doesn't help the situation. But for me, it's more the visibility, the availability, the fact it's free, and the fact that I love sugar that has made it so easy for me to mindlessly consume far more sugar than I ever have before. I'm positive that my 10 pound weight gain over the past 6 months is directly related to the way that I eat during the workday.
Step Number 4: Avoid Loopholes and Sugary Slippery Slopes.
As I mentioned earlier, I have a tendency to see choices and situations on a continuum of various shades of grey, rather than in black and white. This this strategy is excellent for me in my career and in my relationships, but not so good for giving up sugar. Sweets are sweets. I have to tell myself I can't have any of them, otherwise if I let myself slip once, I'll slide right back down that sugary slide into Candy-land. So I decided exactly what it is that I'm not eating and why I'm not eating it. I'm not eating: candy, cookies, any kind of muffins, donuts, cake, fudge, pie, cinnamon rolls, caramel corn, candy canes, starlight mints, or soda or syrup. I am still eating fruit, yogurt, sauces that have sugar in them like ketchup and salad dressings, and other foods that contain sugar but aren't themselves categorized as "a sweet".
Step Number 5: Expect Temptations and Know What to do When They Happen.
There are certain times of day when I crave food, specifically sugar. I usually crave it in the morning with my coffee, around 2 or 3 in the afternoon while I'm working, and around 8 o'clock at night right after the kids go to bed. A trick that works for me is chewing sweet gum instead of eating candy, so I have a pack of Starburst gum in my purse, one in my desk drawer at work, and one in my pantry on my snacks shelf in place of my sweet snacks. Also, I put flavored powder in my water to make it taste better to make me want to drink more water. This is also been helping really well so far. If I feel really hungry however, because besides giving up sugar I'm also eating less carbs so I do feel a little more hungry and I don't quite have the hang of it yet, I'll let myself have food but something healthy, like an apple, or small slices ham.
Step Number 6: Be Mindful and Remind Myself of Why I'm Doing This.
If I'm going to form a new habit, it has to make sense to me and it has to match my values. Giving up sugar makes so much sense to me, even though it's been such a normal and daily part of my life. I want to live as long as possible and be around as long as possible for those who I care about, I want to lose weight, I want to fuel my body with essential nutrients instead of worthless calories, and I want to set a good example for my children. Sometimes I have to literally remind myself of these things when my hand goes reaching for the candy jar or when I think about turning around to see if that really is fresh maple bar that I'm smelling in the break room. I also remind myself that I am NOT punishing myself by giving up sugar, but rather rewarding myself by being free from my addiction to sugar and choosing to eat in a way that's healthier for my body.
Those are the main strategies that I am using to avoid sugar, but I'm sure I'll develop other tricks as I go along. I'm going to attempt to blog weekly about my experience with giving up sugar, so be on the look out for future posts! :-)
Sunday, August 16, 2015
About This Blog
Hello! Welcome and thank you for visiting my Blog! This is my first attempt at Blogging and I am very excited to pursue this as a hobby. I have always felt passionate about writing and also about sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, so creating a Blog seemed like a perfect way to accomplish both of these things at once. I created this specific Blog as a way for me to maintain my personal focus in life while also strengthening my writing skills and working on achieving my personal goals. I have created a few categories of FOCUS for this Blog:
F- Family/friends- Posts about family, parenting, friendships and relationships with others
O- Organizing- Posts related to minimizing, organizing, prioritizing, time management and simplifying.
C- Career/Community- Posts related to my career (mental health), general career development, balancing a career and a family life, and posts related to connecting with the community and community involvement.
U- Unspecified- I plan to post some creative writing pieces and some memoir pieces to practice my writing skills.
S- Self- Posts related to self improvement, physical health, emotional wellness, faith, mindfulness and self-care.
I plan to post a variety of articles on this Blog including articles about universal topics, but most of them will be from my own personal perspective and will contain my own personal opinions and experiences. I would love to hear your feedback and also hear your experiences, as well. Thank you for reading!
KLW
Hello! Welcome and thank you for visiting my Blog! This is my first attempt at Blogging and I am very excited to pursue this as a hobby. I have always felt passionate about writing and also about sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, so creating a Blog seemed like a perfect way to accomplish both of these things at once. I created this specific Blog as a way for me to maintain my personal focus in life while also strengthening my writing skills and working on achieving my personal goals. I have created a few categories of FOCUS for this Blog:
F- Family/friends- Posts about family, parenting, friendships and relationships with others
O- Organizing- Posts related to minimizing, organizing, prioritizing, time management and simplifying.
C- Career/Community- Posts related to my career (mental health), general career development, balancing a career and a family life, and posts related to connecting with the community and community involvement.
U- Unspecified- I plan to post some creative writing pieces and some memoir pieces to practice my writing skills.
S- Self- Posts related to self improvement, physical health, emotional wellness, faith, mindfulness and self-care.
I plan to post a variety of articles on this Blog including articles about universal topics, but most of them will be from my own personal perspective and will contain my own personal opinions and experiences. I would love to hear your feedback and also hear your experiences, as well. Thank you for reading!
KLW
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