Community Living

I recently read a novel about a family,  and one member of the family joins a group of people who call themselves "a tribe". Basically, they have 20 to 25 people in the group,  and everyone in the group commits to meeting every Sunday for dinner (they rotate who hosts ), and they also provide support for each other, similar to the support provided by a family. The idea is that everyone in the group can lean on each other for support and share and trade amongst each other without feeling they are burdening one another. They also meet to help each other with things, like to help someone paint their house or help someone move.  In the book, the character ends up joining this "tribe", and it's going really well , but then he falls in love with a married woman in The Tribe.  So due to his obviously socially unacceptable affair, he has to leave The Tribe.  It was kind of sad because The Tribe seemed to provide more emotional support to him than his family ever did.  But this did get me thinking about the concept of a "Tribe" in general, and how it could really be beneficial to a lot of people.

Sure, a lot of people rely on their parents or other family members for support, and other people rely on close friends for support. However, a lot of people move away from their family for one reason or another, or drift apart from their friends because being busy with work and raising children.  It seems like it's more common for people to have a close group of friends before they start having children.  You all have plenty of free time on your hands and can make plans with each other at the last minute, without worrying about nap times or babysitters.  Then, one could in the group has a kid, and soon all the females in the group start drinking the pregnancy water, and every is popping out babies.  Now everyone had kids, and no one hangs out.  Some people are lucky to have their family close by, and those who are even luckier, have family members who are eager to watch your children with or no implied guilt attached. However, there are less lucky people who have no immediate family nearby, and all of their friends already have kids, so there isn't anyone they feel comfortable leaving their infant child with for a few hours.  Then there's the even less lucky people: single parents with no close family support.  I don't envy you, but I admire and respect all of you more than you know.  Raising children is difficult enough, but doing it without support just seems like it would feel so alone, exhausting and daunting.  But as a parent, I know I could adapt and do what was necessary if needed. I'm just glad I don't have to.  But that being said, I love the idea of this community mentality.  I would hope that if I was a single parent, I would be brave and adventurous enough to seek out a support group of people, and lucky enough to find one like the one described in the book I read.  I have also heard of a local "tribe" of people in my community who have basically adopted each other as family, and they have regular gatherings, and they provide family-type support to each other in general (i.e.- helping fix someone's car, baby-sitting someone's child, watering the plants when you are on vacation, etc.).  Sure, you can always rely on neighbors or members of your church to provide this kind of support, but it seems like those groups of people are less connected to each other, or more selective, or motivated by different agendas.  The community that I am talking about is specifically organized as a support group, and they operate like a family for each other.  The expectation is that you support each other- whereas, in a church for example, some people just want to sit in the back pue and get their weekly one hour of personal connection with God, but they don't really want to socialize.  The community that I am referencing is not religiously-based: it's more like a family know how in your early twenties you have a group of close friends can you spend all your time in the weekends with them but then in your thirties people start having kids no one is available anymore people's family moves away maybe our parents health is starting to fail and they can't help anymore at cetera. Makes sense that at a certain point people start to drift and the people that were once our tribe feel like they are now their own separate isolated tribe. I want a heart tribe! It sounded so hippie,  and it is pretty hippie, actually. But what is so wrong with being a hippie anyway? I mean, they always seemed like such a happy Carefree people, right?

The luxury of completion

I have a habit of starting things and not finishing them. I have always known this about myself but haven’t really given it much thought. I mean, I finish all of the important things, right? I graduated school (three times), I complete all my assessments and notes at work on-time, I follow through with planning a party if I commit to it, I eventually finish laundry, and so on.  But I am noticing lately that even though I eventually finish things, I often stop what I’m doing in the middle of a task to either take on a new task or address someone else’s need.  For example, if I am right in the middle of an typing an assessment at work or even in the middle of meeting with a client in my office, but my phone rings and it’s the receptionist wanting to talk to me, I almost always answer the phone and talk to her.  This seems to happen at home, too. Every time I am in the middle of a task at home, someone interrupts me without fail. And, I almost always stop what I’m doing and address their needs. For example, it seems like every time I am washing dishes or every time I have just sat down at the table to eat, one of the girls realizes that they are desperately Thursday and I need a drink immediately. Are used to give in and get a drink right away, but now I fear I have gone too far the other direction. Now, I get irritated and say things like “how many things can I do at one time?” (This is a phrase I use often, apparently, because they always answer the question in unison with a resounding- ONE!!!).  Maybe it is the combination of the stress at work and the stress of home that is making the situation get to me. So today, I reacted differently at work. I literally put a sign on the outside of my door that says “please do not disturb” - I use the sign in counseling sessions to notify coworkers that I am in the middle of a counseling session, but otherwise, I try to take it off my door and put it inside. But today, I didn’t do that. I’m so behind on notes and phone calls that I just wanted some time to get caught up on everything, without taking on any new tasks. So I have recognized this is my pattern. Even though I eventually finish tasks, I take on new tasks before I have started the first task, so my tasks tend to pile up and then I feel overwhelmed.  I begin to think of completion as a luxury. And I begin to convince myself that I don’t have the luxury of completion. I don’t have time to complete things all the way through. That’s for people who aren’t busy enough or important enough. People who are busy and important have to put things off to take on other things, because there’s always someone or something that needs their attention more. This is how I have felt anyway. But today, when I didn’t answer my phone and I watched it go to voicemail, I felt so empowered, yet slightly naughty at the same time.